15 Minutes or Until Hot

Always follow heating instructions. Rules to live by.

"We're out of peanut butter," Kohai tells me for the third time Friday morning as I'm walking through the living room to the kitchen. They have this bad habit of informing me when we are out of something when I can do nothing about it at the time. Mom, we're out of shampoo (yelled from the shower); Mom, I'm out of clean underwear (just as I'm about to leave for work); Mom, we're out of toothpaste (as we are running late for church); Mom ... well, you get the picture. The conundrum that morning was what were the boys going to have for breakfast?

Kohai: What are we going to do for breakfast?

Me: You can still have your waffles, just put syrup on them instead of peanut butter. I also bought you guys those croissant breakfast sandwiches with ham and cheese. I got the croissant instead of the biscuit because I know you don't like the artificial butter taste.

Senpai:  You know I won't eat those.

Me: I know, it has ham.

Sometimes it's tricky buying food for the boys. Senpai has this aversion to lunchmeat, it's a texture thing that manifested itself when he was just a little boy. Kohai on the other hand is my adventurer, he'll try almost anything, but when he comes across a food he doesn't like, he very rarely revisits.

Kohai: Okay I'll make one of those then.

Me: Be sure to read the instructions carefully.

We've been working on getting the boys familiar with things in the kitchen. Letting them cook using the microwave and oven; teaching them to properly load, run and unload the dishwasher, etc. You know, basic skills for living. Heck, they've taken a class in middle school to learn this stuff. Back when I was a girl it was called Home Economics and like any good daughter of a feminist, I took art instead. Anyway, Kohai sets up his breakfast croissant and comes back to the living room.

Senpai: Did you wrap it in a paper towel before you put it in the microwave?

Kohai: No, it didn't say to.

Me: How long did you put it in for?

Kohai: 15 minutes.

Me: Really? 15 minutes?

Kohai: Yeah.

About seven minutes in there's this loud pop from the kitchen. It's the croissant breakfast sandwich, burned to a crisp and smoking. I grab an oven mitt and try to take it out of the microwave. That popping sound? It was the plate cracking in half. The only reason is stayed together was that the burnt cheese acted like a bonding agent. Honestly, I'm surprised it didn't burst into flames inside the microwave. Our house smelled of badly burnt toast.

Me: Did you read the directions carefully, Buddy?

Kohai: Yes, it said 15 minutes.

Me: Are you sure? Where's the box?

Kohai: In the trash.

Me: Buddy, it says to heat for 60 seconds. Where does it say 15 minutes?

Kohai: See it's right here, heat for 15 minutes in the .... oooh, in the oven.

Yeah, the oven ... kids, gotta love 'em.