My Moment of Zen

My eyes! The goggles do nothing!

Senpai had an appointment with the optometrist and had his eyes dilated yesterday. Having never experienced his eyes being dilated before, the doctor explained to him that things will be a little fuzzy for a few hours. As we get in the car he turns and asks, "Is this what it's like being you?"

That Time Senpai Spoke in Tongues

He turns 16 today, my firstborn, officially this morning at 4:45 a.m. Life since Senpai came along has never been dull, I'll give you that. From the high-risk pregnancy with gestational diabetes that developed during my first trimester to the 72 hours of labor on down to his first stitches before the age of one, yes, our lives have definitely been entertaining to say the least.

Last night at dinner while sitting across from this boy who, it seems like over night, has turned into a handsome young man, I started remembering all his escapades when he was little. From the time he punched me square in the nose after seeing a commercial for the movie Deep Blue Sea, I guess it must have scared him. Or the time he wanted to help me out by "feeding the goggies" and poured a whole pound bag of sugar in the dog's bowl. Oh, and the time that I thought he was convulsing on the kitchen floor, turned out he was pretending to be Frodo from The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring.

Then there was that time Senpai spoke in tongues. He must have been about five or six years old at the time. The Hubs and I were in bed one night, the boys had been tucked in their own beds ages ago. All of a sudden the Hubs heard a faint noise, listening carefully he discerned it was one of our sons talking. It was Senpai. The Hubs laid there when all of a sudden he felt the hair on the back of his neck raise, was our firstborn speaking in Hebrew?! Yeah, Hebrew! Amongst the gibberish that was being spoken, the Hubs heard Senpai say Adonai, which in Hebrew means master.

Admittedly the Hubs was a little more than freaked by this Audrey Rose moment. To whom was our firstborn conversing with and why did he refer to this individual as "master"? Inquiring minds really wanted to know. I mean, it's not every day that your child starts speaking in another language. The Hubs got out of bed and ventured toward the boys' bedroom door. Staring at the door, hand poised over the door knob, he was seriously creeped out by the scene he might find on the other side. As the light from the open door poured into the room, he saw Kohai peacefully asleep on the bottom bunk and there was Senpai on the top bunk, wide awake and singing to a song on his iPhone. Relieved and chagrined all at the same time, the Hubs told Senpai to turn his phone off and get to sleep.

That song Senpai was singing to was The Walrus Song by The Ponkies. It was and is a favorite of the boys. I don't know where the Hubs found it, but he thought it was cute and the boys would get a kick out of it. First of all it is a love song, a silly love that this guy has for a walrus, oh, and I need to mention here that it is also sung in Japanese. You see what the Hubs thought he heard wasn't Adonai, but Abunai, which means danger, watch out. Yeah, out of all that gibberish that Senpai was singing, the only words he could properly pronounce were Abunai and Aishite Imasu, which means I love you.

It blows my mind that it has been sixteen years since this interesting creature has come into our lives. Seems like only yesterday that he was being placed in my arms, little did I know what an adventure it would be. A dull moment, who needs 'em.

Happy birthday, Senpai. Aishite imasu.

An Unexpected Journey

We all take a chance when we walk out our front door of the unexpected. Kinda like the advice Bilbo Baggins gives Frodo.

“It’s a dangerous business ... going out of your door ... if you don’t keep your feet, there is no telling where you might be swept off to.”

Truer words were never spoken. Since the boys' birthdays are a week and two days apart, we decided to celebrate the Saturday in between. They invited a couple of their good buds for pizza, bowling and fun. Little did we know as we were being escorted to our table/lane, there would be a group of Furries directly across from of us.

The Hubs had to ask if they were mascots or Furries and were they celebrating a birthday. They were Furries and no, they were not celebrating a birthday. They get together monthly to bowl. There was one girl that came as far as Commerce.

This was my first experience with Furries, I mean I had heard of them. They seemed a  happy, friendly bunch really. Sorta reminded me of Scarborough Faire folks, but without all the "Huzzahs!" They even suggested we take a picture of them with the boys, since it was their birthday party.

Now if you were to tell me that I'd be running into a group of Furries at a bowling alley, I'd have rolled my eyes and given you a whatevs. Seriously, never in a thousand years would I have thought I'd be in contact with Furries outside the Internet, but I kept my feet, went with the flow and a good time was had by all.

Birth of a Muse

It was fourteen years ago today that I gave birth to my muse. I love to take pictures of my sons. They are both very photogenic. At a young age, Senpai knew what a camera was and would immediately stop, pose and give me a grin. Kohai on the other hand was much more difficult to photograph. He was constantly on the move, fidgety and very easily distracted. So out of the two, Kohai is definitely my challenge and therefore my muse.

If I told Kohai that he was my muse I'm sure he'd duck his head in embarrassment, after asking what exactly a muse was. Every single photo I have ever taken was and is a battle, and for the very few that actually come out, a monumental victory. It's not easy trying to capture a free and unwilling spirit, but when the light is just right, the angle perfect and there is a total unawareness, the shot can be magical. At least for me anyway.

I've learned a lot over these fourteen years of photographing Kohai, that he must be treated gently. He's not one for taking direction, so I give him very little. All I ask of him is not look into the camera lens, I find that gives him a little ease from feeling like he has to perform. Being a skittish subject, I must rely on my own keen sense of knowing when the time is right to take the shot. It's much like photographing wildlife, I lay in wait patiently for the right moment and hope that I don't spook him.

If I'm lucky to snap off a shot of one of his smiles, it just brightens my day and is a balm to my soul. But those photos of him being him, totally intrigue me. There's no mischievous grin, no pose, no subterfuge, he's just Kohai. You can read so many things just from his eyes, but you'll never truly know what he's thinking. I never know what I'm going to get when I take his picture, but it will always be interesting. So happy birthday my challenge, my muse, my son. Here's to many more pictures to come.

It's All in the Reflexes

Heading home down the highway from a doctor visit yesterday, Kohai and I witnessed an accident. We were traveling down the middle lane, minding our own business discussing the silver-lining to the fact we had to be reschedule this appointment, when I saw a truck swerve wildly about seven car lengths in front of us.

It's weird how things like this seem to happen in slow motion, but I'm positive that it was mere seconds. The sound of tire wheels screeching, the crunch of a car slamming into a bumper, debris flying and bouncing off the pavement, it was a slow macabre dance between steel machines choreographed by the reflexes of their human drivers. 

Before my left foot depressed the clutch to be followed by my right on the brake; before checking to my left to see if the car next to me would be swerving into my lane; before I glanced to my right to see if I had an out from the car coming into my lane; before I looked in the rear-view mirror to wonder if I would be rear ended by some jerk riding my ass; my right arm shot out to protect Kohai.

Logically I knew that my arm protecting Kohai wouldn't have mattered in an accident, but the protective mother reflex is powerful. The fight or flight instinct, most often fight, is encoded in all mothers. Just hope you don't get on the wrong end of a mama protecting her baby. I don't care if that baby is an hour old or thirty years old, you'll be in for the fight of your life.

I'm not knocking fathers, I know that they have this protective reflex too, an inherent need to protect their young, their family. I just think that mothers have a feral need, a fierceness, a ruthlessness even when it comes to protecting our babies. Nothing will stand in our way to make sure our offspring are safe, we'll move heaven and hell to do it.

Because of reflexes no one was hurt and only three cars were affected instead of many. Wondering just what made that truck swerve in the first place, I slowly made my way through the debris as drivers got out to assess the damage. My limbs were a little shaky from the adrenaline dump and I released a sigh of relief that we came out unscathed.

I think it might have been a mile or so from the accident before Kohai made me aware that I was still holding him protectively.